Lost on the trail.

We got lost on the
trail I’d been on many
time before, when the
signs weren’t all
posted where they
were meant to be
but we were exactly where
we were meant to be.



They say you need to
Get outside
Of your comfort zone
To grow.

(At least in this world)
I think that may
Be true.

I crave tea
On my couch
with you too.

I want to know everything.

I want to know everything
About the way that you feel
After you’ve swallowed sunlight
After you’ve heard
And believed your own thoughts
I want to know all about
What you read from my lips
When they poured my truth
Like those roses you love
Like the ones tattooed on your arms
Is only as permanent
Is only so long as
How long it takes
To empty your tar-stained lungs
When you tell me

the NOFX hoodie

It was the hoodie that
Got me
The one with that band logo
The one that I lost long ago
On the greyhound bus to Toronto
On the way to see you.

It started
With my face in your face
Back before we made a life together
Made memories
Made plans.

And all this time later,
You still make me feel
Like blunts and tequila
And broken railings
And peach iced tea
And backstage wings
And home.

eleven years

After I’ve opened myself
A thousand times
-More than that
Uncountable times
Exposed the insides
That I wear so outwardly
You would think that
I would find some way
To feel held
By the fractured ice,
By salt stains, bright lights
But as it turns out,
It is me
My plain language
My “could be pretty” face
My still-too-big body
Where I sit with my
Where I turn it into
Care and compassion and the
Tight embrace
I have searched through
Winter for
For eleven years.

Depleted and dancing

I strive never to sit
To create something still
I crave movement
It’s gotta do something ’cause
I’m permanently restless
I’m self-loathing when I
I’m exhausted though still
Depleted and dancing
Short on breath
Restricted airways
From all those times
I’ve skipped through
Lines across my arms
From all those times
I’ve struggled out of the grasp of
December’s long, ragged claws
The ones so
Carefully polished
Wondering if this winter
Will finally bring
The ultimate stillness
Where maybe,
For the first time
Since I can
I feel held.